A peeve is an annoyance, and a pet peeve is ‘an annoyance that's nurtured like a pet’. Recently, I have noticed I’m more tolerant of many things but one irritation that takes considerable effort to shake is unleashed dogs. Maybe like the princess’s pea, how humans are treating each other and the planet is becoming more apparent. As a frequent trail hiker I have been studying my reaction to this phenomenon for many, many years, most noticeably when a dog is big, unruly or jumps on me without permission. Initially, my first response is fear and activation followed by being ‘pissed off’ at the inconsiderateness of the pet’s owners. Upon further contemplation this situation appears to be a microcosm of the bigger picture happening all around us. Collectively there seems to be less care of ‘the other’ whether two or four-legged, plant, rock, mineral, finned, feathered or creepy crawlies.
Asking pet owners to put their dogs on a leash, reminding them of pet leash laws and the safety and sanitary issues for pets and humans seems futile. They often go into ‘Karen’ mode, another new word in our vernacular attributed to a woman who let her dog go unleashed in Central Park and turned on the birdwatcher who asked her to put her dog on a leash. One dog owner actually became quite aggressive, stepped extremely close to me and threateningly said ‘don’t you hit my dog.’ Developing the habit of ‘paying attention’ especially to what I have a strong reaction to has been quite helpful in my ability to process and make sense of these experiences. One of my first tasks is to reflect on my own behavior and ask ‘do I do that or behave this way’? Making sure I am a considerate person is one of my best defenses to this type of behavior.
My other strategy to not remain ‘bent out of shape’ is to do something constructive with my feelings and pivot to my desired emotional states. My new responses are not connected to anothers’ behavior. Researching city, state and national laws and regulations regarding leashing of dogs on trails has been very informative. Facts are clarifying and stabilizing if I do chose to speak up on this issue. I have also printed out the ‘rules of the road’ for each trail I travel on regarding pets, made copies and will be handing out to folks on behalf of the park service. Additionally, writing about what happened has therapeutic value to ‘process emotions, reduce stress, enhance self awareness’ and can create a safe space to make sense of a situation.
Another take away from this experience is simply that we can’t always control our first reaction or emotion to a situation but we can certainly do something about how we respond after the fact. Maybe you have heard of the zen parable “Two Monks and the Woman”. In an article by prayerfulpath.com the story was explained:
"two monks were traveling together, a senior and a junior. They came to a river with a strong current where a young woman was waiting, unable to cross alone. She asks the monks if they would help her across the river. Without a word and in spite of the sacred vow he’d taken not to touch women, the older monk picks her up, crosses, and sets her down on the other side. The younger monk joins them across the river and is aghast that the older monk has broken his vow but doesn’t say anything. An hour passes as they travel on. Then two hours. Then three. Finally, the now quite agitated younger monk can stand it no longer: “Why did you carry that woman when we took a vow as monks not to touch women?” The older monk replies, “I set her down hours ago by the side of the river. Why are you still carrying her?”We all do it. Hold onto something which is better left on the other side of the river. This is a great story to help remind us to let it go.
What are your pet peeves? What are you still holding onto that is better left “on the other side of the river”?
